my poems

stood up again

im sitting here waiting
for your phone call
but it never seems to come
a pint later I'm wondering
"What if you’re not calling?"
are you leaving me here
again I might add
Im sick of this bullshit
I can’t do this again
I’ve run out of whiskey
and I’ve run out of patience
when will I learn that
your call will never come
I’ve had it im through
now I’m left sitting here
with nothing else to do
Im writing my letter
that states how I feel
that states that im through
and I’m never talking to you
but here was my mistake
I bought another pint
now im left sitting here
waiting for you

to my twin

you’re just like all of us
I never knew I had a twin
this is just getting pathetic
you’re a headache for society
I can’t help having this feeling
it’s just so damn annoying
you preach individuality
but just look at you now
you’re just like me now
this is getting ridiculous
I keep on changing myself
but this is a game of cat and mouse
and I think im gonna lose
im gonna be engulfed by you
why cant you just leave it alone
I’ve got something new
hopefully its just not for you

For the Troops

now heres the time
we say goodbye
you're leaving for now
ive got tears in my eyes
we'll miss you dearly
your family and myself
but theres nothing to worry
we know you'll be fine
you'll make it out alive
i'll see you again sometime
1 last hug before you leave
1 last time before war
thank you for keeping me safe
thank you for fighting
now its time to say goodbye,
but this wont be the last time

searching for me

this was the one thing I had
the one thing that made me different
the thing that separated us
now you have ruined that
you are following in my footsteps
but you’re following too close
im making my life my own
trying to be different from society
but my life has become yours too
now I need to run away from you
I need to leave this city now
I need to start over once again
I need to run away again
I don’t want to live with the fighting
I don’t want to live with the competition
I don’t want to live with a shadow
so im leaving this city again and
im going to be moving on again
if you ever need to find me
ill be living on the nameless streets
and in all of the broken homes
searching for a new identity
searching for something different
ill be searching for a new me

begining to my end

stabbed in the back, a bullet to the brain
broken down to my knees, spit on from there
that was a hell of a time to face on my own
I had never thought that day would come
where I had to run from you, for my life
I ran fast and hard but now im screwed
you’re around every corner I turn
I just cant seem to get away from you
I knew I was in over my head long ago
when you told me that you loved me
but I had told you we we’re through
I have feeling that this will lead to my death
then I know it will lead to a guilt driven suicide

guilt driven suicide

you’re lying on my grave crying asking "Why?"
I don’t see why you care so much now
when you didn’t when I was alive
you picked me up only to knock me back down
to didn’t give a damn until I was rotting away
hoping no one would know the things you did to me
you wipe your bloody hands upon the dead grass
that surrounds my coffin then you kneel down
before my tombstone begging your lord to
forgive you for this violent crime of hate
you put my soul to rest now you ask for forgiveness
its too late for that now everyone already knows
the secrets you thought you had buried with me
you have to run faster now if you want to get away
your legs tremble as guilt starts to catch up
the only way to escape now
is to put the bullet in your own brain

I fear the tears

the gates of hell are opening
and evil spirits are setting free
now their all coming for me
for the sins I have committed
for the sorrows I have caused
for everything I have done wrong
I have never knelt to pray
I’ve never asked for forgiveness
so I will be there victim now
my soul is in their hands now
there is nothing I can do
as I fall to my knees
not to kneel and to pray
but because of the blow
my legs have buckled and Im stuck
my breath is lost in the wind
as my body is lowered
into the depths of hell
but I feel as if everything’s ok
I wouldn’t have this any other way
I was told I would burn in hell
and that’s what im going to do
I do not fear the pain
I do not fear death itself
I fear the sorrow my family will feel
I fear the tears of loss

Ignorant Christians

Praying will no longer save you
you have a fucked up the world
now there’s nothing you can do
and im sick of your fucking attitude
and all of your fucking bullshit
about religion and politics
about what the world should be
about everything that is happening
FUCK YOU
you’re just an ignorant fuck
with a narrow minded point of view
you think you know everything
you act like you are god
you act like you are better than me
like you’re above the moral majority
to hell with you and your ideas
on how people are these days
you wanna fuck with me
just because I don’t fucking pray
you sit and tell me that im wrong
and ill never be anything
just because I dress in black
and I live the alternative lifestyle
I don’t care if you like it or not
get off my back
stop criticizing my life and look at your own

last drug

I slide the needle into my vein
I release the drug that sets me free
for now im calm and relaxed
I have awoken my body again
I’ve brought my body back to life
this will be the very last time
for this time I shall die
the drug spreads to my brain
and all throughout my body
poisoning my heart and soul
this will be my last sunset
you will find my body in the morning
I thought it would be great
then I became an addict
im sorry mother, im sorry father
for what I’ve done to you and myself
I wish I could take it back
but that’s something I cant do
because these are the words
of you deceased daughter

someday being me

You have a split personality
you have yourself and who you are
then you have the other secret side
the one you can only wish to become
the girl you dream of being someday
you tried to be her today but you failed
it’s all just an act you put on
you speak of things that you
have no basic knowledge of
you imagine things in your life
that are obviously non-existent
you’re taking a swing at this new life
but you have struck out yet again
now you have to start all over again
look up new information on how to act
and try it all again tomorrow sometime
it’s all fake, we can all see through the act
but at least you haven’t given up hope
to someday being the person you want to be

watching over you

my soul has now passed
and I have received my wings
will you please wipe your tears
please don’t let this get to you
don’t let your sorrows defeat you
I’m in that better place now
the one you always hear about
don’t worry about me any longer
you don’t need to watch over me
now I will be the one that
is always watching over you
everything will be just fine
you’ll be here with me someday
so for now let your sorrows pass
and celebrate the good times
I have received my wings
now wipe those tears away

truth for you

Im sitting in class and you’re watching me
I get up and leave and you’re following me
I have to watch my back every step I take
because you are never very far away
you are always asking about me and
it seems that the phone doesnt stop ringing
I’m walking home in another daze
wondering why you’re always watching me
I’ve been trying to run away from you
but I don’t think you understand that
I’m running faster and faster now
but you seem to be keeping up with me
why do you take such interest
in someone or anyone like myself
this is what I am like it or not
I look to the mirror only to see
exactly what I am...
I am a loser
I am a freak
I am fat
I am lazy
I am ugly
I am useless
I am nothing to anyone
everyone gets only one shot at life
and of course I have ruined mine
with nothing but my self-esteem
now there is nothing left to me
I have come to believe that
I am life’s disappointment
so why the hell do you care so much about me
I’ve got nothing to offer you in life
would you please stop following me now

goodbye grandma

I have lost you recently
now the tears pour from me
I will always miss you
and I will never forget you
I will miss all the stories
and all the laughs with them
I will keep my 15 birthday cards
that you have sent to me
I will read the letters inside
on the dear anniversary
of the day you passed
I will never let you down
my values will stay true
someday I will be buried
right along side you
I love you grandma
I will always miss you
and I will never forget you
R.I.P.

getting over you

I write it in the back of my journal
everything I’ve felt about you and me
my mind is in disarray, a complete catastrophe
I sit back and watch the comment you write
to that not so secret someone
and I feel anger dwelling inside of me
then i take a look at reality and then
I suddenly feel a relaxing feeling
and a weight lifts from my shoulders
the ways I once felt were stupid
my feelings were childish and immature
I still feel these ways from time to time
why, im not really all that sure

shitty love poem

I knew it would happen
but I never thought it
would happened so soon
you have fucked me over
and now were through
im writing you a poem
to tell you something
that you only come in 2nd
you are nothing more
I was dumb enough to listen
and to be manipulated
I put my foot down now
because im deteriorating
you found my weak points
and have hit them all
I know you don’t care but
im writing you a poem
to tell you something
that you only come in 2nd
you are nothing more

forbidden thoughts

Ill lay it all down right now
the way I feel about you
I liked you as a friend but
there was a crush there too
you compliment my ways
and you put me in a daze
I’ve never felt this way before
the crush grew little by little
but I feel like im going to
make too much out of it
I know you like other girls
and that makes me jealous
I want you to like me more
I know its not gonna happen
I have told you that I was
attracted to you very much
you’ve said the same to me
we talk and flirt everyday
it doesnt seem to mean anything
I seen you yesterday but
you didn’t have much to say
I know damn well im going to
make too much out of it
you live too far away
and im too young you say
I wish you had something
else that you could say
but I think for today
I need to get these thoughts
out of my goddamn head
but I cant get you out of my head

feelings for a friend

I sit here and write in secrecy
not letting you know anything
about how I really feel about you
im hoping you will ask me
what’s going on in my head
you are everything that I dread
I feel as tho you know everything
but you don’t say anything
you are the perfect drug for me
I think that is something you see
im keeping everything a secret
until the day you confront me
I hope that day never comes
but I hope that day is today
I lye here and think of the feelings
that I share for you my friend
I lye here and think of the feelings
that you have toward me as well
I know we don’t feel the same way
but it’s the only way I can dream
I wish that things were easier,
that we could be with each other,
that I was the only one you cared for
I want to ask you the same things
about the things that you dream
I want to ask you how you feel
I want to know everything
but im too scared to ask you
could you please ask me......

cuts deep, but doesnt bleed

hate runs through my veins
like a deep river in winter
I slit my wrists in hopes
of letting this all out of me
the cuts are deep and jagged
but my wrists don’t want to bleed
they want to keep the icy blood
deep inside of me until I die
I am doomed to the depths of hell
be held down by the chains of
this hatred I hold inside myself
this has fucked up my life
so I take this razor blade
this is my last attempt now
I run the metal along my wrist
the cut is deep
but it doesn’t bleed
I am doomed to the depths of hell

please say something

you say you didn’t mean to
but I know damn well you did
you knew I was getting mad
and you pushed me over the edge
you said that you were sorry
but that word has no meaning
10 minutes later and
we were back to you and me
a little annoyed but im fine
then I realized how much I cared
and how little you cared
I wanna forget what happened
knowing ill get hurt later on
I wanna remember what happened
so I don’t go and get hurt again
im stuck in between the two
will you please say something
to help me make up my mind

sorry i snapped

I let the things you said
get wrapped around my head
it all fucked with my mind
and now im getting behind
with the reality of today
I shouldn’t have cared anyway
nothing is going to change
our lives won’t re-arrange
I was living in a fantasy
of everything I wanted to see
now I have to calm down
I feel like im gonna drown
in everything that’s wrong
but in reality, nothings wrong

poetry in your memory

I was dumb enough to
listen to what I wanted to hear
I was dumb enough to
listen to only you
I was dumb enough to
let you into my impenetrable world
I was just a damn fool
for everything I thought of you
I should have known better
it has all happened before
so this shitty poetry
I leave here in your memory

ruining my life

im picking up and moving on
running away from this again
it’s nothing out of the usual
just running from society
getting away from everyone
being on my own and being free
away from this sick society
looking for my own kind
someone somewhat like me
it seem as if they don’t exist
everything im looking for is
kids wearing boots and braces
some edgers, psychobillies and
members of my local Hells Angels
but the only kids im finding are
these kids are all pop posers
like a cult you cant escape
running around with their
fake tattoos, pop-punk hair dues
little piercings and their attitudes
it sickens me that they think
that they are the real deal
but they are ruining everything
for the real punx in society

you're the guy

I hope you can read these
and know their about you
though we’ve never met
I would really like to
you’re the guy that
I always wanna talk to
you’re the guy that
always compliments me
you’re the guy that
I get along with best
you’re the guy that
always makes me laugh
you’re the guy that
shows me some respect
you’re the guy that
is secretly in my dreams
I hope you can read this
and know its about you
though we’ve never met
I would really like to

love song

though I have only met you yesterday
I feel as if I’ve know you forever
it makes me nervous to speak to you
it make me nervous to look at you
it makes me nervous to be around you
and I just don’t know what to say
when you compliment my ways
we seem to be a pretty good pair
like were suppose go hand in hand
this is an accident waiting to happen
but we proceed falling in love anyway
leaving the crash for another day
as that days inches closer to us
I watch this all fall apart at the seems
I try to sew it up but it has no meaning
it just keeps on ripping to pieces
why am I even wasting my time
there was nothing there to begin with
I suppose it was just an innocent
little crush that we always thought of
but without you it’s not the same
it’s just not the same as before
there is no longer an existence of
that feeling of being someone special
at least not for me but you’ll be fine
you’ll move on and find someone new
that is closer and has something more
ill stay here and ill never change
but maybe we’ll meet again someday

murdered love

I still have all of the scars you left
I remember the pain beneath them
but we both have forgotten everything
about the relationship long ago
I am still trying to recover
from what has happened to me
but I don’t think I will be able to
I can never forgive you for this so,
slit my throat, watch me bleed
I hope you’re finally happy with me
you have now finished me off
and you have ended everything
nothing to worry about now
except you and your own pity
that worry will soon be all over
for you are next on your own list

with my friend

were dancing in the streetlights
and were feeling alright tonight
we love to just run the streets
don’t give a damn what they think
why cant life always be like this
walking down the dark streets
laughing about everything we see
we tell jokes and live our lives
scared of the dark and run like hell
why cant life always be like this
were kids walking down town
take a walk for the memories
stop at the bench, take a breather
they are fun filled live we live
why cant life always be like this
now its time for you to turn
and its time to say goodbye
we’ll see each other real soon
good thing that memories never die

sick of you

Im scared of what will happen
when or if I decide to change
I have to ask if that ever happens
will you remember my name?
would you forgive me at all?
would you still walk by my side
with your head held high?
Im sick of this person inside
I want to be someone new
I wanna be who I wanna be
please don’t get mad at me
I know I don’t need to ask you
if it is ok for me to change
but I know you’d be scared
im the only friend you have
the last thing you want is change
I need to separate from you
because im sick of you

stolen soul

death and your soul
have met yet again
only this times different
you let it consume you
you let it take you away
the grim reaper is now
the only friend you have
as you body lies there
in your nameless grave
everyone looks for you
but they cant find you
your with the grim reaper
playing those evil tricks
grabbing everyone in reach
pulling them down with you
I have a bad feeling
that I will be there
lying next to you soon

Satans world now

Im sitting on the moon and
watching the catastrophe fly by
this earth is now our hell and
none of us will see gods eyes
let your righteous wings fall
to the angels below our feet
let the church of Satan rule and
let the blood pour from those
evil, painful and forsaken eyes
lay into your coffin now and
don’t bother putting up a fight
for Satan’s angels are amongst us
this is how the earth now works
and it’s not even at its worst
this is Satans world now

the game of love

lets play this game where we take turns
beating each other senseless with a bat
we will call it love and live happily
trying to move forward each day
trying to survive the heavy blows
and just walk away from the pain
that engulfs and numbs our bodies
were playing a game and im the pieces
but now you’ve run out of moves
now what are you going to do?
you going to quit and throw the board
im sick of this shit that you call love
each and every fight is a heavy blow
and im sick of getting beat down
to hell with you ill let you sit and bleed
but im done and im getting some ice

driving off the bridge

ive painted all the rooms
in this old house black
ive closed all the shutters
and ive locked all the doors
there is nothing left here
except the painful past
im packing my things
and im leaving this town
drive my bucket of bolts away
and ill never look back
this place has done nothing
good for me at all
it has gutted me inside out
brought me to my knees
and made me ask why
everyone had to die
i didnt mean to do it
they all fell in the way
of the blade on my knife
i didnt mean to hurt them
i told you somethings wrong
now im on the run again
on the run from the law
i cant turn back now
its too late for that
i wish i could take it back
but ive taken on to much
now ive got to go
the bridge is coming up
and good thing my car
is just a bucket of bolts
cause thats my next stop
and my last as well

pleading the 5th

im asking you these questions
but you are not answering
do you have something to hide
is your life nothing but a lie
why can't you tell me
anything thats going on
i want to know whats wrong
i know you're not lying to me
but you're not telling the truth
you're not saying anything to me
have you suddenly gone mute?

serial killer

i think the things you dont know about
i keep my secrets as my own
no one would guess them
no one would have thought
you wonder whats going on with me
but their just my secret thoughts
im not alright inside my head
i know i have something wrong
and as i went to you for a little help
you passed me off like i was ok
you kicked me to the streets
like i was nothing at all to you
but i know i have something wrong
and you will pay your price
the one i marked on your forehead
you thought i was ok back then
but we'll see what you think tonight
im going to come and visit you
and i hope this time you'll let me in
dont worry you wont suffer for long
because you were my friend
ill keep my fun to a minimum

high school years

now I look back and laugh
what the hell was I thinking
back when I thought I was cool
now I look back and laugh
we were all so young then
now were all grown up
or so that’s what they tell us
I wish I were there again
back in kindergarten again
but now its time to move on
and move into the real world
for now we will depart
we wont forget the time we had
whether they were good times
not even if they were bad
for now its time to depart
but we will cherish the memories
deep down in our hearts
now we look back and laugh
those were the good old days
those were our high school years

Regretting birth

here I sit in solitude
they locked me away
for something I didn’t do
I’ll never see a new day
there are no windows
here in my cell
why am I being punished?
what did I do now?
Is this all because
im not worthy of
being your daughter
well im sorry mom
and im sorry dad
but I cant help the fact
that I was born

im pathetic

im laying on my deathbed
I’ve already made my will
I’ve said all my goodbyes
im ready to pull the plug
please let me go now
please let me die
I want to suffer no more
I want to feel no pain
I don’t want to deal with life
im giving up on the world
im sorry to have left you
but I have to go now

goodbye high school

I know im a "bad ass"
but I know I’ll miss it
I said I hated it all
each and everyday
those were good days
the easiest time of life
go sit and "learn"
being with my friends
hanging out everyday
I remember a lot of it
but it’s a lot of haze
I hate being in school
but I know that
I will miss going

no longer fine

You are leaving me now
but we will talk again soon
for now there is this
empty void inside of me
I told you that I’d be ok
I told you that I’d be fine
but everything’s not ok
and I am no longer fine
there are tears of joy
there are tears of sorrow
you are far away now
you used to be so close
get out
leave me behind
don’t worry about me
I’ll be just fine
I’ll be there next year
so turn and run now
and I’ll meet you there

maybe next year

im watching you walk by
walking through the crowd
to the front, to the stage
accepting your document
and moving into the world
im watching you walk away
but you haven’t turned yet
you’ve never turned your back
I trust that you wont now
ill be expecting a phone call
saying "life is good, life is great,
I cant wait until you join me"
but I don’t know if I will
im having fun for now
maybe I will next year.......

better off dead

lying here on this bedroom floor
there is a corpse of someone
someone I recognize from before
dear dead body, I feel sorry for you
you’re locked into your little world
of nothing but sorrow, pain and regret
im still wondering where I met you
im walking around this bedroom
looking for a clue from you
I walk pass the mirror and I
suddenly I know where I met you
lying here on my bedroom floor
im locked into my own little world
there’s a star pattern on my head
and gun powder on my hand
I couldn’t stand it anymore
I knew I was better off dead

noticeable secrets

im feeling sick to my stomach
and I don’t know what’s wrong
I think im just nervous
from something you have done
but what was it this time
was it something that I did
I pissed you off again
I was stepping out of line
now you’re coming for me
out of rage and blind jealousy
I didnt do anything wrong
I only spoke to him once
now I have to wear sunglasses
sweatshirts and pants
it’s the middle of July
but I have to cover the marks
that you left on me
I have to cover them all up
to save your ass, before you kick mine

another person in society

Im watching out the window
watching the people pass by
without a care in the world
like their all in a coma
they do not respond at all
they are the living dead
I’ve never really understood
until I stopped watching people
and saw my reflection in the glass
I do feel dead deep inside
all of my emotions have run out
though my heart still beats
there is no response at all
I stop again and look outside
and I see myself pass by
at that point I realized
im just another one of them
another person in society

better off alone

im slitting my wrist
letting the blood pour
right down the drain
im leaving this world
I don’t care what you have to say
leave me alone and let me be
im not doing this for you
im doing it for me
I’ve had enough and im fed up
its harder than you think
to write these words to you
but I have to let you know
that it wasn’t your fault
and I love you mom
ill be better off alone

goodbye forever

I wish I could see you
and tell you how I feel
tell you what’s wrong
but that’s impossible
because I have no emotion
you have wore me down
there is nothing left
there is nothing to share
I wish I could tell you
that I truly love you
but I fucking hate you
you mean nothing to me
you did, but not anymore
you need your needs
but I also need mine
and they don’t involve
a daily beating from you
they don’t involve
the everyday abuse
to hell with you
I’ve had enough of it

cry me an ocean

my tears are pouring
down like the rain
in a thunderstorm
their creating an ocean
that I will drown in
im waist high now
the waters rising fast
will you throw something
to help save my life
and get me back on track
you’re the one who
placed me in this state
when you left me
to sit and rot away
are you gonna let me die?
no matter what happens
I will always be dead
so I guess it doesn’t matter
you’re gonna leave either way

highway to hell

im driving down this road
that you all call life
it’s been a rough ride
but I’ve been getting through
I picked up a hitch-hiker
that hitch-hiker was you
for a little while
things were running smooth
but we came to your stop
and I haven’t seen you sense
you left me 3 blocks ago
now on this road of life
I have hit a pot hole
my car has bottomed out
and I have nowhere to go
this is how the street ends
its just another dead end
now im done searching
this road is good enough
im stranded on...
the highway to hell

dont worry

I lay in this rubble
that is called my home
it is nothing now that
you’ve left me all alone
now im laying here dying
on the living room floor
there’s a blood stain
on the carpet where
you had slit my throat
and stabbed me in the chest
a long, long time ago
but don’t worry about me
I will someday be found

drunken ignorance

tell me about it again
about your stupidity and
your drunken ignorance
tell me what happened
to you this time around
tell me about the party
tell me about the beer
tell me about the accident
where you went off the road
and through the windshield
tell me how much you bled
tell me about the pain
tell me do you feel stupid now,
that you fucked everything up
now they all lay sleeping
in a nap they wont awake
because of your stupidity
you’ve killed off all of your friends
can you tell me now
would you ever do it again?

father-daughter relationship

he yells and he screams
like a toddler
throwing a temper tantrum
its ridiculous
that I have to deal with this
its bullshit
that he treats me this way
I hate him
more than he'll ever know
but its life
its our father-daughter relationship

they hate me

its happening again
their yelling at me
im not good enough
ill never be anything
im going nowhere fast
im just a failure
im not like my sisters
I need to step up
you would think
I’d get use to it
but I havent yet
its hard to deal with
when you know that
your own parents
absolutely hate you

your lies

you talk to me
through the lies
you act it all out
like everything is
gonna be just fine
but we both know
that everything is
not gonna be alright
im sick of these lies
I see right through
all of them
when will you stop
you've already
been caught
more than once
will you please stop
i thought we were friends

do your job

every time we nee your help
you are nowhere to be found
when we try to avoid you
it seems you never go away
where were you today?
where will you be tomorrow?
im sick of taking messages
im not your damn secretary
you can go find someone else
to do your damn job
since you cant do it yourself

dont touch me

why do people feel
as if they need
to be touching me
DONT TOUCH ME!
dont try to hug me
dont try to hold my hand
dont give me another
"pat on the back"
i dont know why
you insist on it
but you people
need to stop

cutting

cutting is a sorry excuse
for "relieving the pain"
cutting is for people
that are just too scared
to actually end their lives
cutting is pathetic
cutters need to get over
themselves another way
if you're a cutter and you
think you have a problem
you do
your problems are...
you're an idiot
you're a hypocondriac
you're narcissistic
and you dont need to
be talking to me anymore

behind our cliques

i sit in this classroom
as if it were black
and im the neon lights
sitting in the back
ive always kinda noticed
it to be that obvious
but its my imagination
playing tricks on me
we are all a lot alike
more than we like to believe
but we have to face it
maybe someday we will
but for now we'll hide
behind our little cliques
the light switch is taped
down for the time being

drunken idiots

here comes another one
a kid with a shiner
they think its cool
to get drunk and box
it never looks like
they've won the fight
because they never have
and if they keep it up
they never will

not gonna give

you can give me
that evil stare
all you want
but it doesnt work
you cant intimidate me
i know who you are
you wont do anything
you can give me
that evil glare
all you want
but ill never crack
underneath you
im stronger than that
im not gonna give

goodbye

the sun is setting
i wish it wouldnt
i want this day
to last and last
it was one of few
good days ive had
but the sun is setting
the moon is falling
i want this night
to last and last
but nothing this good
could ever last so long

sick of it

you make it a big deal
like when you get hit
its the end of the world
it happens to everyone
it's not just you
you need to stand up
and put an end to it
quit keeping things
all bottled up inside
if you're not standing up
you have no right to complain
and im sick of hearing it

america is a whore

i live in this world
i see as a disgrace
lady liberty is a whore
i dont care what you say
we're suppose to be
the smartest country
but our educations
went down the drain
our weight is increasing
and so is our greed
we think we have it bad
we need to look around

bullies at school

im in this peril state
i dont know what to do
im here periodically
i dont really know why
its the bullies at school
that think they can bully me
but im not that scared
ive been beat up before
the pain will soon go away
maybe someday so will they

no longer suffering

death is creeping up on me
i can feel it coming
it's getting hard to breath
but the skies clear up
the sun comes shining through
it will be ok for now
but i will be going soon
please feel no sorrow
im not completely lost
i will no longer suffer
everything will be alright

to say it bluntly

you say you dont care
i know that you do
you wouldnt act this way
if you honestly didnt
you wouldnt do the things
that you supposedly do
to say it bluntly for you
you're a liar
why do you think that
you have to lie to me?
just because you assume
untrue things of me
oh-well i guess
i know it's all bullshit

no more competition

you're making my life
a stupid competition
who has it worse
who has it better
who need sympathy
in the selfish world
in this mindless self-indulgence
im not going to do it
and you're not gonna
pull me into it
im not taking the bait
you can go ahead and wait
but im done

living in fantasy land

you made this fantasy
that you insist on living in
but its all a crock
and annoying as hell
if you're gonna make it up
make it believable at least
i guess other than that
i'll believe it when
i see the proof

the hypocondriac

you think you have
all of these problems
you know what i think?
you know what i know?
i know you're lying
i think you're a
hypocondriac
this life you live
this life you made up
is going to catch up
it'll kick your ass
and you dont have a clue
as to what you're gonna do
but you think its cool
though you look like a fool
and you wonder why
people treat you like this

attempted bragging

you are trying to brag
about the life you have
when you have nothing
money means nothing
you're wasting your time
money and sex all the time
you wont be so happy
when he leaves you
hes already mean to you
he makes you cry
you try to cover it up
but i know its all true
if you're going to brag
or attempt to at least
make sure you have something
and that i actually care

my life

you think you know me
like the back of your hand
you know what ill say
you know what im thinking
you know my entire life
inside and out
backward and front
but my life is a short story
with a twist at the end
and you'll never guess
whats gonna happen next

an eye opening dream

i pulled out my gun
and shot you in the face
you lie there dying
but it does not phase me
i feel no pain inside
not for what you did to me
then i awake from this dream
now i have to ask you
what could this mean?
do you have something
that you need to tell me?
i saw your guilty conscious
quiver before the gun
while you stared down the
barrel you begin to sweat
and you begin to say
that you were sorry
now i have to ask you
what were you sorry for?

a damning thing

i dont know who to believe
i dont know who to trust
trust is a damning thing
full of lies and deceit
but by my lesson learned
im suppose to trust no one
i guess i really dont
i know everyone lies
id like to think that you
were one of the honest ones
but you deceived me
but i guess its nothing new

my entries...part 2

i publish these poems
for the world to read
i dont know why
i guess this is my
attempt to open up
and let people know
how i perceive things
how i deal with things
i write everyday now
but thats nothing new
it didnt come from
out of the blue
its just me and
what i think of you

the hard knock life

life is so hard for you
though things come easily
things are coming together now
but you see things differently
you family is changing
your objects are brand new
the sun starts to shine
and it dries the old memories
the love is still there
it just has been hidden
behind all of the hate
but you see things differently
but you are legally blind
you dont see the good things
you're just holding a grudge
maybe someday you will let go

end of the line

ive run to the end of the line
ive ran out of excuses
i dont know where to go from here
is this where i finally die?
the rain falls upon me
as i fall to my knees
i dont have the answers this time
i feel useless and dead
but my heart beats on
i dont know what to do anymore
will you please end this for me
put a bullet to my brain
or douse me in gasoline
and light my cigarette for me
i dont know how to stay sane
just lay my body to rest
i need to take a long break
and i dont want to awake

guessing game

i have a secret life
from the one i live
when im with you
i have something
to hide from you
i bottle it all up
i dont know what to do
i am human too
just like you
you may not know it
you may not notice
but i have something
to hide from you
and ive kept this secret
for a long time now
hoping that you'll
never guess what it is
then other times
i only pray that
you guess right

when shots are fired

i have a bad feeling about tonight
i can feel bad tempers brewing
over a simple questions and
a few simple lies that were discovered
i think i did something wrong again
but i didnt really mean to
i just wanted to help you
if it was really all a true story
ill say im sorry for now but
its only gonna be a band-aid
covering up a gunshot to the head

bleeding rivers

the sound of your lies
is like nails on a chalkboard
its a wonder that
no one notices them
i always seem to notice
and you always deny
will there ever be a
point where you'll
be able to speak to me
without making my ears bleed?

will you survive?

the outcasts are getting picked on again
by someone thats just like them
i standing there and watch them run by
and i only pray that they dont die
but as i look up to the sky it turns black
i dont think you will be so lucky this time
the outcasts are getting beat again
will there ever be a new destiny for them?
i stare into your cold grey eyes
all i can see is fear of tomorrow destiny
will you be the lucky one that survives?

i killed you

you were driving too fast
you were drunk again
you killed someone
that meant everything
to me and his family
you took the wrong turn
and you crashed hard
the tree didnt move
but you went through
the windshield and
onto the ground
i got out of the mess
you lay at my feet
gasping for a breath
your life flashing before
the both of us
i let you drive again
though i knew you were
drunk and i knew that we
shouldnt have left alone
i killed someone that
meant everything to
me and his family

another little story

i see you sitting there
in you're little world
that is an exact copy
of my own world
you're not paying attention
cause you're to busy
writing little stories
that we'll later share
i see you sitting there
and i wonder something
will we be writing
the same stories tonight?
like all the past nights

no love

you tell me you love me
i tell you i hate you too
its all bullshit to me
and the world knows it
you ask why i act this way
every time i have to explain
this is no act for me
this is the way i think
you tell me you love me
and expect me to say it too
but im not going to
and you'll be disappointed
but i dont mind at all
cause i dont love you

trust no one

i take the pictures of us
rip them up and burn them
happy valentines day
heres a card i bought for you
i signed the bottom "fuck you"
you stabbed me in the back
now i dont know what to do
i thought i loved you
but i guess i was wrong
i have no feeling inside
im not sorry for the break-up
i guess i was only pissed off
i thought i could trust you
but you've taught me a lesson
that i will remember forever:
trust no one

my only fear

you ripped my heart out today
now i can feel the blood
dripping from my chest
and down onto the floor
i left a long trail from
your house to my bedroom
where i lay here dying
and no one seems to care
my blood pours with my tears
i think this was the
only thing i ever feared
now im seeing red
that turns to black
and im truly dead inside

i hate you

you fucked with my head
then i wished i was dead
now you're on you're knees
and you're begging "please"
get the fuck away from me
why the hell cant you see
that i absolutely hate you now
now its you're turn to drown
i have been for so long
listening to that sorrow filled song
what was wrong with me?
and why didnt i see
what was going on
when you met that blonde
i wish i could go back
id paint the world black
and id never go back
now you're on you're knees
and you're begging "please"
get the fuck away from me

dont bother

you must be blind
if you cannot see me
i yell and i scream
with flares burning
i cry S.O.S.
but you fail to notice
you're walking into
a deadly trap
you must be blind
everyone tells you
but you have to learn
the hard way again
when you're heart is broken
dont bother to crawl back
cause im not gonna
waste my time anymore

it'll be alright

i just heard the news
that your father has passed
he put a gun in his mouth
and blew his brains out
im sorry for your loss
but more so for his
he had some problems
but nothing he couldnt get passed
i dont think he ever realized
how loving you all were
but hes doing better now
thought he not
better off dead

your truth

you're a liar and a cheater
how could you do this to her
when she only loved you
she gave you everything
and you gave her nothing
everything was all good for you
until the day she left you
now you're ass is lost
and you dont know what to do
what are you gonna do?
you are lower than dirt
and by that no ones hurt
not even her

girl who called wolf

fill in all the lies
with a little putty
maybe it will last
i know it'll fall apart
i always does
no one falls for it
we always find out
your not good at it
maybe if you didnt lie
we would listen
to your calls
but their no good
to us anymore
nice try though

when i die

my body lies here
in this wooden box
a rotting corpse
and a silk lining
just board me up
with some ply wood
beat in the final nail
shut it for good
trap my soul inside
never let me be free
drop no red roses
say no more prayers
mourn no more
im fine with dying
and i wont mind
at all when im dead

final goodbyes

the clouds are growing thinker
as my breathing grows harder
we are all lined up and
driving down this dirt road
headed for the cemetery
to say our final goodbyes
and to let ourselves mourn
with tears in our eyes
we drop our respectful roses
and let you soul live on
and we let your body R.I.P.
ive got a lump in my throat
but i choke it back
and now i have to walk away

Execution

for now im relaxing
from my hidden shell
im out in the open
now everyones firing at me
everyone take a shot
i wont be here for long
im going back into hiding
i gave you a fair shot
now leave me alone

its in the name

H = stands for history
E = stands for emotions
A = stands for annoyed
T = stands for temper
H = stands for hateful
E = stands for empty
R = stands for realistic

S = stands for straight edge
I = stands for intentions
M = stands for music
M = stands for modern
O = stands for outlook
N = stands for non-smoker
S = stands for style

everything that people
dont seem to understand
about me or my life
is all right in front of them
its all in the name

my past

everyone has a history
some better than others
some share the details
some enclose their secrets
some are scared to tell
some have something to hide
i have a secret past and
it irks me when people
assume things about it
you can ask if you want
and i will tell you
but dont assume things
that you dont know